My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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