Jerry, you need to find god
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
