when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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