I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
