Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
