i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
