This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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