Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
