Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
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