I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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