That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
