matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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