I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
