Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
