Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
