i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
