Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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