Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
