filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
