I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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