what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
