I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
