i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
