good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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