The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
