have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
