R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
