dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
