I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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