Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
