I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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