Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
