Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize