Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
