You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
