Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
