Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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