Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
