Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
