there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
