it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
