i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
