we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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