cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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