U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
