she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
