I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
