ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
