i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She needs sedatives and a leash
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
