Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
