I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
