She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
