this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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