just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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