oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
nutella sex= disaster
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
