to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
