I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize