Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
