he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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