There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
