My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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