I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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