If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
