apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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