I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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